WHY?!?!?!?!

    No, I am not okay. Why do some people get to live carefree lives, take vacations when they want, buy the things they want, not have to live paycheck to paycheck, so on and so forth? What did we do so wrong in life, that we have to be punished for it now? If my husband deserves to be paid a certain amount of money, why then is he not getting paid that amount; even when everyone (managers/supervisors) agree? Why does my daughter have to struggle to learn? Why can’t I help her? Why, when I know something is wrong; do people tell me, she will catch up or wait two weeks, a month or two months before anyone will even consider helping her? Why is my infant so small and not gaining weight like she should? First people say, breast is best, I have tried with each and every child. Why when I finally start making it work does it have to be a struggle? Since she was a month old we have tried giving her a bottle, why will she not take it? Doctors telling me I need to be the boss and force her, they hand me a bottle and leave the room, they don’t bother to stay and watch the struggle, they leave the nurses and I to it but won’t listen to us. Now it is fed is best, but because I listened and did breast she won’t take a bottle of breastmilk or formula. Family telling me to force her to eat the food we want her to eat because there are only two types of baby food she will eat. Have you tried forcing her to eat, have you been around for the struggle? Your words mean nothing when you have no idea what is really going on. You need to be on a high-calorie diet, that might help her gain weight. When just 5 minutes ago you told me; I need to lose weight. Why no matter what I do does the weight just keeping coming on. I could eat a celery stick a day for a month and gain 15 lbs. Why when we do everything everyone tells us to better ourselves financially do we get left with a car that does not fit our entire family? Your car has too much negative equity because although you are bettering your credit, we are not happy with it and will not help you to get a larger vehicle. Why do I have to wonder if come this tax season will we be able to buy a used van that will be reliable for our family? Why has my family not been able to ever take a vacation? People say, “We should hang out.” So why don’t we? Don’t you realize I really need someone to hang out with, talk to? Why can’t I have that one friend that I can pour my heart out to and not have to worry about judgment? I am sorry my life is not as positive, wonderful as yours, and talking to me is too depressing for you. Why do I have to wonder, what money will I have to move around to be able to order my children’s school pictures? Why can’t we catch a break? WHY, WHY, WHY? 

We have one car that at times the payments burry us, but we cannot sell it, we can’t refinance it, we can’t do anything with it. We don’t have cable, we have Netflix. We have one pay as you go phone. Every tax season we chip away at our past debts. I get my hair cut once a year, I cut my children’s hair, and I have even started trimming my husband’s hair. I pretty much never buy myself clothing and have been using the same makeup for 3+ years. Papa and I never go out on dates, correction, we are lucky if we get to go out maybe once a year. We rarely go out to eat, we cook at home, pack school lunches, and don’t splurge. 

For once in my life, I want to be able to breathe and worry less. GOD, I NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!